snack food reviews

• I am very disappointed in the Trader Joe's brand Ridge Cut Sweet Potato Chips--not enough salt, not enough crunch, not enough anything. Strong sweet potato flavor, but it feels like eating a rice cake with higher fat and fiber content. Pass.
  
• I do, however, like Trader Joe's brand Ridge Cut kettle chips, lightly salted. I like them more than the salt and pepper ones, although I cannot say why because I normally like the taste of pepper. I hate salt and vinegar. I do not get people who like the taste of vinegar, since the very smell makes me want to throw up and so I can't use my hints from Heloise tips on using vinegar as a household cleaner and end up buying pricey chemical concoctions from Lysol. But anyway, eat these chips.
• Taro chips are really good. They also look fancy when you put them in a bowl, but do not trust a person who says that putting purple and red potato chips in a bowl is "fancy", and do not serve this at your swanky parties where people of elevated rank with actual discerning taste will turn up their noses at your idea of a blini. Seriously, do not trust me. I only learned last week that "sweetbreads" are the glands of animals (offal), and not actually sweetened bread. I am such a scrappy social climbing poseur.
• Whenever I make mango salsa, I serve it with blue corn chips, which look more festive, and yes, fancy.
  
• Trader Joe's peanut butter filled chocolate covered pretzels are ok, but overwhelming. Just too rich. I feel like I might die when I eat more than one. Better are their chocolate covered raisins or bing cherries. Mmmm. Chocolate covered fruit will always make me happy, keep that in mind if you ever need a hostess gift.
  
• I can't find peppermint bark, and I am like, sad. Can you tell me where to get peppermint bark?
  
• After trying every "O's" type of cookie out there, from Trader Joe's O's to Whole Foods 365 "sandwich cookies" (healthier) to generic Hydros, I still say that Oreos are the best.
• Pepperidge Farm Milanos are ok, but I actually prefer Le Petite Ecolier for my dark chocolate cookie needs. I don't actually have such needs, but people keep bringing over these cookies to my dinner parties despite my promising to have dessert covered. But anyway, go with Petite Ecolier.
• Trader Joe's cranberry pannetone is not authentic enough. I don't know which brand I usually get, but I get it from the Italian grocer's and it's expensive and so it must be imported, which is why I rarely get pannetone. That, and I can eat and entire box by myself in two days. It's light, fluffy, has little candied fruits inside, is fragrant of orange, mmmmm. It's also fattening. I don't know how to make it, sadly.
• Honey Bunches of Oats is too cloying. I used to love this cereal, until my mom found out I liked it and bought me two year's worth back in high school. It's not a cereal you can really eat every day. I really like Weetabix with a bit of sugar and dried cranberries and nuts, or honey nut granola. Or if I have time, steel cut oatmeal. I tried to eat Cap'n Crunch recently and it was so sugary I could barely eat it, and then I was hungry an hour later. TD eats Apple Jacks and Corn Pops dry, as in without milk. I do not understand this. I will occasionally indulge in Honey Nut Cheerio's or Lucky Charms, but in general, sweet cereals belong to the times you have the "munchies." Since I have never had drug-induced munchies, I figure I will save such cereals for when I am pregnant or whatever. Also, I always eat cereal with milk, unless it's a pre-run handful of dry cereal to make sure I don't pass out.
  
• I used to like Milton's multigrain bread because it is sweet and was a good snack, but lately I've been eating that Ezekiel sprouted wheat stuff, which keeps me fuller, longer. I feel old. But when not concerned with daily fiber intake, I prefer Orowheat Potato Bread, toasted, with Kerrigold salted butter (Presidente butter is too pricey).
  
• I would never buy a chocolate chip cookie or brownie, but I freaking love those Mother's circus animal cookies. If I can bake it, I won't buy it. Which means disdaining all those "fancy" cookies and almost everything from a bakery, but loving all manner of animal crackers, Ding Dongs, and Thin Mints. The more ghetto the better.
  
• I can eat Nutella out of the jar, with a spoon. I highly recommend eating Nutella in its pure, unadulterated form.
  
• I like Ritz crackers, but toasted Ritz is quite a novel, crispy and less buttery, experience.
  
• I don't like the new weird forms of Doritos. Classic nacho cheese all the way. Not even cooler ranch, which I find weird.
• Low fat Pringles sucks. Baked Lay's, however, are tasty. But like eating dried, potato-scented air. I recommend kettle chips or Wavy Lays.
  

What are your favorite snack foods? Suggestions for me?