Saturday, October 13, 2007

More Random, Useless Facts About Belle

In addition to the superfluity of this post, and even more egregiously, this post, ten more random facts!

1. I measure my life in presidential administrations. Prone to saying "I haven't ______ since the Clinton administration." This puts life in a rather harsh perspective.

2. I also think that everything has a statute of limitations, and so there are certain life deadlines for doing X or Y. For example, I must read this book by this period of years or else it's just never going to happen (I seriously have been trying for 10 years to read The Unconsoled), and so I also think that if it's been this many years since _____, then the clock has run out and I am no longer accountable, or the experience has been expunged from memory. Similar to how I am not responsible for remembering with great accuracy any book I read more than five years ago. However the clock can be restarted with a good faith effort, or if it should be in principles of equity extended (like latches!), it can be.

3. I take stupid online quizzes with no social-scientific rigorousness whatsoever, and then get pissed off when the results do not accurately depict me. Like when the "What Firefly Character Are You" quiz told me I was Mal (WTF?!) and some political test said that I was a Socialist on a political spectrum scale. TC might call me a Commie, but I permit it because she loves me, and she is a libertarian--so I'm definitely pinko by her standards.

4. I talk even faster than normal Matchbox Man speed when I'm nervous, and I get nervous about things that don't embarass "normal" people, like compliments. Public speaking no longer scares me in any way, but being complimented for something unexpected and non-academic related (or non-cooking related) unnerves me. This makes interacting with the opposite sex very awkward. I have no game, whatsoever. Maybe He Got Game, but I don't.

5. I'm an ISTJ, and by some standards socially awkward, despite great friendliness and cheerfulness. This means that I'm nice and friendly, but prone to talking too fast/too much out of nervousness, am given to wild hand gestures, tend to over-share, have nervous twitchiness, and can have sudden shyness and awkward silences. This is getting better as I have more blog meet ups and get used to talking to strangers. But this explains a lot.

6. I do most of my leisure reading right before bed, and so the only reason I haven't read my hardcover copy of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell is because it is too heavy. More than once I have fallen asleep and whacked myself in the face with a copy of The New Yorker or a light paperback--the only things that I now, for safety reasons, will read in bed.

7. When I am angry, I imagine using metaphorical catapults at the target of my disaffection. I also use different devices for different levels of aggravation. I would start by flipping peas with a spoon (or spork) at the least offensive, and move up to larger fulcrum/lever devices like ice-cream scoop sized ones for marbles, and then get all Medieval with the classic--but I would start off with relatively light objects if I was only annoyed. Bales of hay, say. Save rocks for later. Rocks are for jocks.

8. I don't know how to ride a bike, due to the fact that I grew up too poor to afford one in childhood, and by the time we could afford one, I understood the concept of gravity and was afraid of falling. I don't know how to swim very well because my stupid brothers tried to teach me by shoving me into pools, and I would always nearly drown, such that now I am freaked out whenever I am in water deeper than I am tall (5'2"). I tried to get over my fear of water by learning how to sail, which worked--so now I feel comfortable sailing on open water in a life jacket, and yet am still terrified of the deep end of swimming pools. I also don't know how to ski, because I grew up in California where only the rich people drove/flew to visit snow. Plus, I don't understand the logic of a sport where you strap wooden sticks to your feet and fall on purpose downhill, combining my two great fears of height and gravity. Who thought that was a good idea when they invented it?!

9. I read advice columns, despite thinking them incredibly stupid, useless, and counterproductive. I also sometimes think of writing letters to advice columnists, until I remember how much their advice sucks, and then I just ask HLP or TC--and get far better advice on every question, no matter how stupid or smart; frivolous or serious.

10. I can't make eye contact with strangers, but this is why I do unsocial social interaction type things like blog and email. Plus, it is easier (and more fun, and lower cost) to have a blog crush than a real-life crush.

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