Monday, July 21, 2008

scary. also, how stupid do you think I am?

I don't know how this happened. My home phone is linked to the door buzzer. Some dude just called, saying that he was in room 12, and that he had forgotten his key and would I please buzz him in?

1) There is no apartment 12 in this building.
2) How stupid do you think I am? I am hanging up on you, asshole.
3) Crap, how stupid might other people be in my building?! I hate, hate feeling unsafe in my own home. Do not let strange people in! Do not buzz strange people in!

After I hung up, I peeked from a crack in my door, from which I can see the lobby door. No one there. So that means that they didn't call from the outside phone, which, by pressing a certain number, will dial my home phone. Why, oh why, am I always the target of random phone harassment. In my first apartment here, I would get a guy calling at 3 am asking me what shoes I was wearing and breathing heavily. Then, at my last apartment, my landlord entered without permission and I got a spy camera finder to make sure he wasn't well, you know, spying on us. I actually felt safe for the first time here, in this, my third apartment in two years. I hate it when things like this happen. It's very unsettling.

It's the reason why I take $7 cab rides one mile home from the train station at night. It's sort of the reason why I don't go out much at night. It's why I hate it when the phone rings at night. It's not just a "I hate feeling like a powerless girl and I live alone" thing. It's everything I hate about the feeling of fear, whether or not such fear is an overreaction.

And every time something like this happens, I get really upset even if nothing bad happened!


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