loyal and clean

Speaking of mandatory state-employee loyalty oaths, which are more common than you may think (even for lowly research assistants to professors! we are all public employees!), I had to sign one the other day. I am actually cool with it, because I would defend the constitution of this state and this country against all enemies, and I am not a pacifist. I am one of those people who refuses to say "under God" during the Pledge of Allegiance, and refuses to sing "God Bless America" (no, I will never run for President, as I have also been known to bowl a 27 and call people "bitter"), but I don't mind swearing an oath to my state and country. Patriotism isn't bad. Jingoism yes, and uncritical nationalism--but patriotism is a part of good citizenship, and my parents didn't flee Communist Vietnam for me to take this country's freedoms for granted. I was born here, and I'm proud of that, and very grateful. This young person celebrates the laudatory trait of patriotism, defying generational expectations.

I also signed away my rights to any patents (sucks, but well, I'm not a scientist, so it doesn't matter to me, and yet I am bothered by this for many property/labor law reasons), and agreed not to abuse drugs. On the job, off the job, etc. etc.

The only substances I am mildly addicted to are caffeine and sugar, and then only in the form of black tea with milk and sugar and a tray of homemade cookies, eating one, and sending the rest off to work with TD (where he has become more popular), so again, no skin off of my back to acknowledge that I have read the policy and will adhere to it.

But dude, check this policy out:

The University ecognizes dependency on alcohol and other drugs as a treatable condition and offers programs and services for University employees and students with substance dependency problems. Employees (including student employees) and students are encouraged to seek assistance, as appropriate, from Employee Support Programs, health centers, and counseling or psychological services available at University locations or through referral. Information obtained regarding an employee or student during participation in such programs or services will be treated as confidential, in accordance with Federal and State laws.

The University strives to maintain campus communities and worksites free from the illegal use, possession, or distribution of alcohol or of controlled substances, as defined in schedules I through V of the Controlled Substances Act, 21 United States Code §812, and by regulation at 21 Code of Federal Regulations §1308. Unlawful manufacture, distribution, dispensing, possession, use, or sale of alcohol or of controlled substances by University employees and students in the workplace, on University premises, at official University functions, or on University business is prohibited. In addition, employees and students shall not use illegal substances or abuse legal substances in a manner that impairs work performance, scholarly activities, or student life.

Employees found to be in violation of this Policy, including student employees if the circumstances warrant, may be subject to corrective action, up to and including dismissal, under applicable University policies and labor contracts, or may be required, at the discretion of the University, to participate satisfactorily in an Employee Support Program.

Students found to be in violation of this Policy may be subject to corrective action, up to and including dismissal, as set forth in the University Policies Applying to Campus Activities, Organizations, and Students (Part A) and in campus regulations, or may be required, at the discretion of the University, to participate satisfactorily in a treatment program.

Special requirements for employees engaged on Federal or State contracts and grants

The Federal Drug-Free Workplace Act of 1988 (Public Law 100-690, Title V, Subtitle D) and the State Drug-Free Workplace Act of 1990 require that University employees directly engaged in the performance of work on a Federal or State contract or grant shall abide by this Policy as a condition of employment.

Employees working on Federal contracts and grants shall notify the University within five calendar days if they are convicted of any criminal drug statute violation occurring in the workplace or while on University business. This requirement also applies to all indirect charge employees who perform support or overhead functions related to the Federal contract or grant and for-which the Federal government pays its share of expenses, unless the employee's impact or involvement is insignificant to the performance of the contract or grant. The University is required to notify the Federal contracting or granting agency within ten calendar days of receiving notice of such conviction and to take appropriate corrective action or to require the employee to participate satisfactorily in available counseling, treatment, and approved substance-abuse assistance or rehabilitation programs within thirty calendar days of having received notice of such conviction.

Good thing I kicked that crack habit, and shut down the meth lab.