Monday, February 04, 2008

Introducing: Zorba The Geek(y Lawyer)

This is all that I am at liberty to say about our enigmatic new guest blogger, Zorba The Geek. I will put it in bullet style, because he is all bad ass like that. He is so bad ass, that his alternate pseudonym was Tracer Bullet. Or maybe Chuck Norris. You know, cause this is a list of facts about him. Like how he's sued Law & Order for copyright infringement for taking the names of his right and left legs. Or how he uses a night light--not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of him. Mike Huckabee is too afraid to use him in his campaign (not that Zorba would ever campaign for him anyway), so that's why he went with the other guy. A guy who has a show with a melodramatic grammatical punctuation in his TV show. Seriously, Walker, comma, Texas Ranger?!
But to tell you about a real law man, to introduce Zorba The Geek:

  • He went to a top ten law school that I will call Gothicky Gentrified Law School. This doesn't help you out much, does it?
  • He is a lawyer. Where, for what kind of institution and doing what kind of work, I cannot tell you. But he is a lawyer. He'll put the law in Law and Letters.
  • He was a clerk at both the trial and appellate levels, and I can't say more than this. You'd think he was working for the CIA or something, dude. Or
  • He is neither too old nor too young, but some indeterminate age that belies the wisdom in is eyes but also the smoothness of his brow. It is also some age belonging to people who may or may not have children, shop at either Pottery Barn or Ikea depending on their level of bourgieness that day, and thus somewhere in between My So Called Life, Friends, and Thirty-Something, but before The Big Chill.
  • He wears pastel colored shirts and ties in order to create a mollifying counter-effect for his stressful job. Apparently, this has some sort of calming effect on his co-workers and clients. Because this is empirically proven (I believe it is called pacifying pink), I do not rag on him for his fruity-colored shirts. Although I have been tempted to break out the fruit Mentos and do a thumbs up and say "The Freshmaker!" This, I am sure, is a desperate attempt to ameliorate his tough guy persona.
  • He is currently interested in: cyberspace law, corporate law, and air and space law. His current projects: an article on military law, and another on aviation law. Did I not tell you he was a bad ass?!
  • He likes Hemmingway, which again bolsters his tough guy credo. He is also into books about law and social norms and wants to read more fiction, thus showing his sensitive side.
  • He loves the British TV show The Mighty Boosh. Apparently one of his bourgie habits, other than wearing pink shirts, is to watch BBC America. Oh, if only I could afford cable and/or Netflix. He also loved Juno. But he is generally stuck in a film disappointment loop. See the trailer, expect it to be the best movie ever, see the movie, think it sucks, repeat. He is a thorough man of method, to be sure.
  • He likes jazz and hates country. I am with him on the first and still trying to get over the second. Give him time, readers. He likes Amy Winehouse, which is cool, but says that "disco makes me laugh," something that truly horrifies me.
  • He knows who William Jennings Bryant is and makes funny quips and references about WJB, but for some reason no one gets his references, thus making me despair for America's knowledge of its own history. Seriously people! The shining city upon a hill speech? The cross of gold speech? William Jennings Bryan was one of our nation's best orators and rhetoricians, a little too religious for my tastes, but I am not a player hater. He ran for president the most times without ever being elected (four), something that probably gives Al Gore some comfort. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride...

Please welcome Zorba The Geek!


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