...And the Kitchen Sink

I am beginning to think that my landlord is a slumlord*, despite the fact that our house is charming and in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Liberal College City. Like, we moved here to be safer and happier, and for the most part we are. Except that my neighbor's car was broken into, as was The Dude's, and our door handle has been jiggled at night. Fortunately we deadbolt as soon as we enter the house. Dude, apparently it is not enough that the nearby park is overrun with children rather than heroin needles, which was the state of the park near my old house. Apparently, at night, those little kids turn into delinquent Chucky dolls or something.

Anyway, onto today's questions:

How do you fix a loose pipe without a wrench?

You don't. Or rather, you can't.

How many grad students does it take to fix a leaky faucet?

I wouldn't know, because I've never fixed one.

Is this the beginning of one of those jokes in which the guy eventually ends up in the bar and the last line is "the aristocrats!" ?

No.

So there I was, cleaning my house and crying to country music, courtesy of an awesome mix by TC, happily wiping my eyes on my shoulder because my hands were encased in opera length pleated polka dot rubber gloves, when I went to get the Pine Sol and buckets under the sink. Which, to my surprise, was full of water. The U-bend popped off in my hands when I was seeing if it was loose. The entire pipe is loose, and the only thing solid is the drain pipe. I am not good at plumbing and construction like my Not The Model Minority contractor brother, but even I know this isn't good and can't be fixed by tightening it with my weak thin hands.

I called the landlord. I suspect he will respond in 2-3 days. And until then, the bucket remains under the sink, and the sink will be turned off. My very environmentally conscious roomate will be washing dishes in our tiny bathroom sink (in case you suggest paper plates), and I will be fortunately flying home where the water pressure is always the same, the water is always hot, and the sink is not drippy.

*I should also mention our mold problem in the cracks in our camp-sized shower stall, and the fact that he still enters without notice (or "email notice", before we have a chance to reply and go home to be present) to fix things. This almost makes us not want to call him to fix things, although that is not really an option when you have a broken sink and a yucky shower that you are pouring bleach into. But believe it or not, things are better than they used to be. The first time he entered our house without notice, my roommate at first thought someone broke into our house, until she noticed the repairs, but then freaked out again when she realized he messed up something in her bedroom. Her bedroom. That's when I bought the SpyFinder hidden camera detector. So far, we're not on any Girls Gone Wild videos that I can tell.

Why do we still live here? We love this house: its location, its size, the price. We also hate moving, which is a bitch. We're lazy girls.