Monday, April 09, 2007

Superstitious, but not Super

'Round finals/writing hell time, I like to surround myself with comforting things. I buy tons of gourmet food, "premium" teas, and imported anything. High thread count sheets. Pictures of family and friends from better days. It's a little coping mechanism that takes over my life. It's a little princessy, I know.

I also become exceedingly superstitious. I try not to say things that jinx my prospects--I have but one deadline, but I try not to make others. I try not to say out loud the bad things that can happen. If such things are uttered, you must knock on wood, or if you live in an Ikea den like I do (where everything is poly), knock on your head. I back up my files like crazy. I avoid walking underneath ladders. Seriously.

I also combine both comfort and superstition by wearing my most meaningful objects--a jade Buddha pendant, given by my dear sister, on a necklace, given by my darling mother, I've had since ten. A silver ring I bought my freshman year of college that only fits on my left ring finger, which makes me look married, achieving the double duty of being sentimental and keeping random guys from hitting on me. And a gold link bracelet (Vietnamese style, hard to describe) my mom gave me that I've had since I was twelve.

In my mind, wearing these beloved, meaningful, years-old objects brings me luck and power. Guan Yin, the goddess of mercy in the Buddhist faith, is a symbol of my faith and offers me protection. The ring reminds me of the little silver band my first love proposed to me with. The necklace represents my mother's embrace. Wonder Woman has special bracelets of power, that deflected danger. So do I. Or I did.

I've just discovered that I lost the bracelet.

I don't want to think about what this means for my future. I don't know if this means I'm more vulnerable.

I just want to be comforted.


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