Friday, February 13, 2009

the principle of the thing, movie edition

I never said that I was principled or consistent, but here goes:

  • Much as I like fashion and much as I have been known to shop on occasion and much as I like Isla Fischer, I refuse to see "Confessions of a Shopaholic," because it fills me with feminist rage and it makes me want to break stuff.
  • Much as I like Jennifer Connelly as an actress, I refuse to see "He's Just Not That Into You," because it fills me with feminist rage and it makes me want to break stuff and then set it on fire and toss it through your window.
  • Much as I love Joaquin Phoenix and much as the positive-ish review on the NYT makes me curious, I refuse to see "Two Lovers" because of my abiding hatred of Gwyneth Paltrow. This hatred excuses my youthful naivete for liking "Sliding Doors," and is proscriptive rather than retroactive and more because John Hannah quotes Monty Python. Ah well, Ms. Economically Tone Deaf would just say "fuck you, hater" to me anyway.
  • Much as I hated "Before Sunrise," I will see "Medicine for Melancholy," because it sounds smart, self-aware, and not totally oblivious to its own pretension and does not have the much-hated Whiny McEmo Ethan Hawke in it, a hatred that is indeed retroactive.
  • Much as this tepid review discourages me, I will watch "The International," because I love "travelogue thrillers" and I really love Clive Owen (ever since "Croupier") and Naomi Watts.
  • Much as this tepid review really, really distresses me, and much as I was annoyed by the straining-to-keep it-real "five by five" chica from Chino mannerisms of the Faith characer in Buffy, I will totally watch "Dollhouse," because I will watch anything Joss Whedon makes, even shadow puppets.