Wednesday, November 19, 2008

looking for love in all the wrong places

In 1995, I placed third in the Ayn Rand Anthem essay contest. I recount this story as a mark of everlasting shame, a bright scarlet AR branded upon my bosom. Dude, I was really poor and I was socking my $2 a week spending money plus skipping lunch to buying books and classical music CDs in my quest for self-concerted cultivation. Scholarship essays are an easy way to get to poor kids trying to save up for test fees (not even test prep programs!). I was very young and was not yet trained to discern good literature from bad, much less shitty faux philosophy. I blame this on going to crappy California public schools and my own naivete. And so yes, from the age of 15 to 17, I was a member of the objectivist society. Gah. Don't worry, I'm basically a communist now. And despite my sordid past and the black mark upon my soul, TD still loves me.

Anyway, for all of you love-lorn objectivists who believe in the virtue of selfishness who are somehow accidentally reading this neo-Marxist blog which urges you to sacrifice of yourself for another, especially if they are poor, old, temporarily unemployed, Veteran, or young, here's a dating website for you, since you can't have me and no longer want me.


dpvabc, Edmonton, Canada
My name is Daniel. I consider myself to be a born-again egoist and I have dedicated the rest of my life to self-improvement. People see me as a socially inept loner because I tend to avoid superficial conversation but actually I love talking to people who like to think (the problem being I don’t know very many).

thustotyrants, Selden, New York
[I am] short, stark, and mansome.

You should contact me if you are a skinny woman. If your words are a meaningful progression of concepts rather than a series of vocalizations induced by your spinal cord for the purpose of complementing my tone of voice. If you’ve seen the meatbot, the walking automaton, the pod-people, the dense, glazy-eyed substrate through which living organisms such as myself must escape to reach air and sunlight. If you’ve realized that if speech is to be regarded as a cognitive function, technically they aren’t speaking, and you don’t have to listen.

lostpainting, Hagerstown, Maryland
Please note: If you’re overweight, I won’t date you. If you believe in God, I won’t date you. If you vote for Democrats, I won’t date you.

Chinoy, Manila, Philippines
My individualism takes precedence at all costs, if not at all times.

Contact Me If You … : do not conform to the dictates and whims of any of the world’s religions, simply because your soul’s independence is paramount.

Lewis, London, U.K.
I love intelligent, sassy girls, particularly those working in consulting or investment banking (but other fields are great too). Really, nothing is hotter than an accomplished girl in a suit, as long as she is willing to settle down and have my children. I want a girl who will support my ambitions against the naysayers in society.

Rob, Stanford, California
Ayn Rand ignited the fire within me that was searching for the right spark. My every action is guided according to my philosophy, and my philosophy is the philosophy of Ayn Rand.

I am interested in meeting someone that truly embodies the values and virtues of Objectivism. I have found very few women that have not already been beaten down to a flimsy, irrational, empty pulp. I have changed many girls’ lives, but no one has blown me away yet.

I never “hook-up” randomly, I never kiss a girl that doesn’t deserve mine. I have yet to find a girl deserving of my falling in love with her. But “other people” are secondary values no matter what, so finding someone is not a priority for me.

H/T the inimitable Gowder.