Monday, August 06, 2007

Yet Another Quasi-Meta Post, To Clarify

I would never actually in real life say this to a professor who did not admit me off the waitlist to her class. I don't actually have that horrible students-as-consumers approach to my education, and don't have diva like expectations. I actually like that professor! I never use that word but sparingly. And I didn't really mean that I could teach that course--hence my disappointment about not being admitted to the course!

But a prof friend emailed me to ask "girl, what were you thinking" writing that line. I guess I wasn't! Once again, with more feeling, I am full of chagrin.

I am upset at my late registration status and how it impacts my research, but I am not so upset that I am turning into the Paris Hilton of the academy. I'm not saying I don't have it within me to be bitchy or snarky, but I generally keep it in check as all civilized people do. I do believe in the norms of collegiality, and I am generally a "nice to a fault" kind of person (seriously, ask around).

So I apologize if I came off too snarky and uppity. I am sometimes too clever for my own good, and write for cleverness. It is a part of writing for an audience. Blogging has its perils. You write not only what you think or feel, but in a way that sounds good. It is true that much of my true personality is in this blog, and much of my personality likes to embellish for effect. In person, I am prone to such unnecessariness as wild hand gesturing, and am unable to control the decibel level of my voice (or the speed of my speech) when I'm excited about something. I go for dramatic effect. This is an unfortunate quirk of mine in my casual speech and casual writing. The alternate is exceedingly boring, verging on pretentious (ever tried to sound stentorian when you don't have the testicles for a deep baritone voice?), so it's more entertaining when I do my '80s hands gestures for emphasis (balled up fists, as if I were Cher wanting to turn back time) or when my high girlish voice turns into an almost painful squeak.

I thought it would be funny to affect an Bourgie Metro Girl voice to express my dissatisfaction and displeasure (and puzzlement) over this episode. It was for effect! I was going for facetious and not actually serious! In person, I would have said "Bitch, please..." with a sassy three-snaps-in-a-Z-formation "oh no you did na!" Valley girl voice. Come now, you can see the humor in this?! A girly-voiced, short and petite Asian girl who looks like a walking Banana Republic catalogue trying to get up on her sassy horse? Funny! No? Well, okay...

I guess I should have either gone for more ridiculous to make it apparent I was going for humor, rather than coming off as just bitchy and snarky myself.

Sigh. Some just do sassy valley girl voices better, especially when defining words like "appaumy."

But trust me, faculty hiring chairs and future colleagues out there--I really am not that bitchy or petulant. I will be a good colleague and productive scholar. I will be well-liked by all. I will be the Julia Roberts of the legal academy.

I'm just not good at being funny!