Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Wearing Stilettos Requires Special Energy, So Drink This Unless You're Afraid of Cancer


A few of you may have picked up the sarcastic tone when I referred to my friends spitting out their TAB Energy cola, but in case you didn't, here's the always brilliant Prof. Ann Bartow to enlighten you:

It’s “Tab Energy, a new energy drink aimed at women.” Here is a review of a Tab Energy commercial by Dr. Violet Socks at Reclusive Leftist:

…“Speaking of cultural messages: the most astonishing thing in the entire Oscar telecast wasn’t actually part of the show at all, but a commercial for some godawful drink from Tab. The tagline: “Women need a special kind of energy.” And why do women need special energy? Well, because women have three very special jobs, each illustrated in the commercial:

1. Commuting in 3-inch stiletto heels (image of woman tottering in said heels and short skirt)
2. Accessorizing (image of barely-clad woman at a poolside checking out a guy)
3, Defying gravity (close-up image of woman’s boobs in a strapless gown)

“That’s right: those are the special jobs of women. Tits, ass, and high-heeled shoes. Can anybody – anybody – watch that commercial and not see that women are the sex class? And that there are about a billion images a day being beamed into our daughters’ minds to reinforce that noxious notion? Anybody? Anybody at all?” …

Also, according to this site, “it tastes a little nasty.”

My family was poor and a little ghetto enough to drink Shasta and RC Cola (it was cheap, people), but I have long since given up drinking soft-drinks even now that we buy brand-name soda. But never Tab, which appears to be the drink of choice for high-powered editors and financiers, despite its reported cancer scare in the 1970s.

So it tastes faintly metallic and is possibly carcinogenic, and gives you the energy to be sexually exploited. Someone hand me a can!

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